A mostly non-awkward introduction

Introductions are nearly always awkward.

Little else can rattle the nerves quite like an “icebreaker” round of introductions at a professional meeting. You know the routine: “My name is Jamie. I’m from Whitestown, Indiana. I have a degree in political science from Ball State University, and I currently freelance as a graphic designer.”

It’s all true; it’s information I’ve shared a bajillion times, yet I still experience a modicum of embarrassment when forced to announce it to a roomful of strangers.

Or – hypothetically speaking, of course – I might run into an acquaintance at Target, and when trying to introduce her to my husband, I suddenly can’t remember her name: “Oh, hi! This is my husband, Tim. Tim, this is… um… uh… my friend from Abbie’s playgroup! Right?”

Awkward.

While stammering and attempting to talk around the gaffe, my peripheral vision indicates that the boy half of my toddler twins has stripped down to his socks (his shoes will be found in aisle D12) while the girl half of the set is eating grapes straight from the produce cooler: “Oliver, no, you can’t take off your pants at Target! Emily, nonononono, we don’t eat food before paying for it!”

Double awkward. Or triple awkward? I lost count on that one while I was crossing my fingers that the E. coli count on unwashed produce isn’t as bad as reported on the news.

Equally awkward, though not as embarrassing, is when I’m introduced to someone as: “The friend I was telling you about – the one with two sets of twins! Five kids, all ages 6 and under!” Invariably, they both turn to study my sleep-deprived, glazed eyes, the ever-present ponytail, and silently speculate (or even flat-out ask) whether the stork brought this bounty of babies, or if they were the product of a really elaborate science fair project.

These introductions are meant to offer the new people in our lives a picture of who we are. There are but a few, brief moments to sculpt that first impression, and awkward as they may be, they are important.

I have a theory, however, that we are not defined by what is said in those first few moments of an introduction, but rather by what we wish those moments could have included.

As for me and my series of awkward moments, I would like to edit them to instead say:

Hi, my name is Jamie. I grew up mostly in Fishers but have lived with my husband, Tim, in Whitestown for almost nine years. I used to work in state politics and now freelance as a graphic designer, writer and political consultant. I also run the Lucky 7 Design Shop on Etsy.com.

I am at home full-time with my chaotic crew of adorable, small people. God generously gave us 6 year old twins, Samantha and Benjamin, a 4 year old singleton, Abigail, and 2 year old twins, Oliver and Emily.

I love classic rock, pop culture Trivial Pursuit, and those ridiculously huge bottles of Barefoot Moscato. My favorite friends are the ones who make me laugh the hardest, preferably until I’m simultaneously crying and snorting.

I don’t have the life I once envisioned for myself, yet now I can’t envision any other life. This is my life as I know it, and I’m privileged to be able to share it.

It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Click here for the column as it appeared in the Zionsville Times Sentinel (6/20/2012)